FV2002: FORBIDDEN VALLEY:REVISION
FORBIDDEN VALLEY II: ReVision.
Welcome to the second First Night End of the Year Review Revue, a lackadaisical, haphazard and local look at 2002 to be known hereafter as Forbidden Valley Two: ReVision. The town elders have decreed we need a vision, and it’s our intention to provide you with one. So settle back and prepare to enjoy the possibilities of the future, as well as contemplate the year just past.
(To the tune of Bloody Mary from South Pacific)
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad.
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
We think you should be sad
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
And bring your mom and dad.
We vote with push pins, just like West PalmBeach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
But we never hang a chad
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
And that might drive you mad
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
But some of us wear plaid!
Happy Valley is the place we live,
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad
We will concern ourselves for a while with the future of Downtown State College. Some of you may have attended visioning meetings . This year is the year we learned, if we wanted to, that monoculture, along with monopoly and mononucleosis, all brought to us courtesy of Penn State, is bad, bad. We have to fight it and we will, mono a mono.
(To the tune of DOWNTOWN by Petula Clark)
WHEN YOU’RE WALKING ON BEAVER, YOU WILL MOSTLY SEE STUDENTS
THAT’S THE WAY IT IS –DOWN TOWN
AND IF THEIR ACTIONS AREN’T GUIDED BY PRUDENCE?
YOU CAN ALWAYS YELL- PIPE DOWN
THEIR MUSIC AND THEIR CLOTHING, ALL ARE SIGNS OF MONOCULTURE
HOPING FOR SOME CHANGES TAKES THE PATIENCE OF A VULTURE
CIRCLING AROUND
THEIR NUMBERS ARE MUCH GREATER HERE
THAN WE FOLKS WHO PAY TAXES AND COLOR OUR HAIR
WHO OWNS DOWNTOWN?
IS IT THE YOUNGER CROWD? DOWNTOWN
WILL FAMILIES BE ALLOWED? DOWNTOWN
THE FUTURE DEPENDS UPON YOU.
PARKING’S EXPENSIVE, AND NEVER CONVENIENT, THAT’S THE WAY IT GOES DOWNTOWN
AND IF ALL THE SHOPPERS FLOCK TO WEGMAN’S AND WALMART
THEN MORE STORES WILL CLOSE- DOWN TOWN
BUT STOP FOR JUST A MINUTE, AND SHARE A DIFFERENT VISION
THINK HOW HAPPY WE COULD BE WITHOUT AN AGE DIVISION
GRANDPAP AND YOU
THE STORES WILL MEET EVERY NEED
YOU CAN BUY ADULT DIAPERS OR BONGS FOR YOUR WEED
SO GO DOWNTOWN
ALL AGES WELCOME HERE
DOWN TOWN
THE FUTURE IS COMING CLEAR
DOWNTOWN
EVERYONE’S WAITING FOR YOU.
AND YOU MAY FIND SOMEBODY KIND TO HELP AND UNDERSTAND YOU
SOME ONE WHO IS OLD LIKE YOU AND NEEDS A HELPING HAND TO
GET CROSS ALLEN STREET.
SO MAYBE I’LL SEE YOU THERE,
WE CAN PRETEND THAT WE’RE THIRTY
I’LL BUY YOU A BEER,
WHEN WE’RE DOWN TOWN
ALL AGES WELCOME HERE
DOWNTOWN,
THE FUTURE IS COMING HERE
DOWN TOWN
EVERYONE’S COUNTING ON YOU.
But never fear, there IS a vision. The State Theater, which is not to be confused with the State College Community Theater which IS to be confused with the Boal Barn, which is not to be confused with the Green Bowl, which is not to be confused with Bowling Green, which is not to be confused with Penn State which is not to be confused with the State Pen, which is not to be confused with the State Theater, which is to be renovated and rejuvenated as a downtown, community performing space, if three million dollars can be raised in the next two years.
(to be sung to the tune of The Impossible Dream)
TO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
TO RAISE SOME INCREDIBLE DOUGH
TO ASK, TILL YOU’RE SICK OF US ASKING
TO BEG WHERE THE POOR NEVER GO
TO REPAIR AN UNREPARABLE STAGE
WITH PLANS FROM A TIME LONG AGO
TO TRY TO MAKE EVERYTHING MODERN
SO WE CAN PERFORM A LIVE SHOW.
THIS IS OUR QUEST, TO REVAMP THE STATE
YOU MAKE THINK IT’S CRAZY, BUT IT ISN’T TOO LATE
WHO IS WILLING TO GIVE, TIL THERE’S NO MORE TO GIVE?
WHO CAN WRITE US SOME GRANTS SO LIVE THEATER MAY LIVE?
AND WE KNOW, IF YOU’LL RETHINK YOUR WILL
AND LEAVE US A BEQUEST
THAT THE STATE WILL BE SHINY AND NEW
AND WILL SHOWCASE THE BEST
AND DOWNTOWN, WILL BE BETTER FOR THIS
THAT THE STATE WHICH WAS ONCE A NICE PLACE
RESTORED, THANKS TO YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS
WILL BECOME AN UNBEATABLE SPACE.
One sign of the new order to come was the welcome opening of a restaurant for grown-ups, Zola’s New World Bistro. Restaurants catering to the adult taste, and budget are about as rare as transvestites here in Happy Valley
I CAME LOOKING FOR A RESTAURANT ON COLLEGE AVE
WHERE I COULD GET CHAMPAGNE, AND NOT BE STUCK WITH PEPSI COLA
C-O-L-A COLA
I WALKED TO THE EAST, AND I FOUND A NEW SPOT
I LOOKED AT THE NAME AND IN FANCY SCRIPT IT READ ZOLA
Z-O-L-A ZOLA, ZO ZO ZO ZOLA
WELL I’M NOT THE WORLD’S MOST
PICKY GOURMET
BUT WHEN THE MENU WAS SHOWN, I
DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
OH MY ZOLA- ZO-ZO-ZO ZO ZOLA.
THEY HAD STEAMED PUMPKIN DUMPLINGS, GUAVAS, PEACH AND COULIS
I COULD TELL THIS WAS A MENU
FOR A GROWNUP LIKE ME
ZOLA, ZO ZO ZO ZOLA, ZO ZO ZO ZOLA
WELL I DRANK SOME GLENFIDDICH AND
ATE MUSSELS IN STEAM
AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WELL IT MUST BE A DREAM
THEN I PICKED UP THE TAB AND IT WAS
FAR FROM FREE
BUT CRISPY WHOLE RED SNAPPER IS REALLY WORTH IT TO ME.
WELL I’M NOT THE WORLD’S MOST
WELL HEELED GOURMET
BUT FOR :
Rack of New Zealand Lamb with a Potato and Thyme Gratin and a Rosemary Infused Red Wine Reduction
OR
Sesame Seed Crusted Yellow~Fin Tuna served rare with a Buckwheat Noodle and Scallion Eggroll, Port and Ginger sauce
Or (Etc, we can choose from anything on the menu!)
I AM HAPPY TO PAY IT TO
ZOLA, ZO ZO ZOLA
This year, the Borough Council, deadlocked until the Mayor weighed in,
decided against an historic district zoning regulation. Breathe a sigh of relief and dust off all your gazing balls, and your plans for the addition whose domes and parapets will rival the Kremlin. This is America, by gum, and that old protest singer Woody Guthrie would have put it this way, if he had owned a home and had qualified for the bank loan he’d need to pay for the construction.
(To the tune of This Land Is Your Land)
Chorus
THIS HOUSE IS MY HOUSE, IT ISN’T YOUR HOUSE
I PAY THE MORTGAGE, ALONG WITH MY SPOUSE
FROM THE DAY GLO SHUTTERS TO THE TURQUOISE DORMERS
HOW MY HOUSE LOOKS IS UP TO ME.
AS I WAS PATCHING MY BEAT UP DRIVEWAY
I SAW MY NEIGHBOR THROW MEAN LOOKS MY WAY
HE WASN’T LIKING MY BRIGHT RED CHIMNEY
HOW MY HOUSE LOOKS IS UP TO ME.
CHORUS
I’VE CHROMED AND GILDED, AND FOLLOWED MY INSTINCT
TIL THE SPARKLING GABLE COULD MAKEYOUR EYES BLINK
AND ALL AROUND ME TOWNSFOLK WERE SOUNDING, SAYING
IT’S NOT CORRECT HISTORICALLY
CHORUS
THE BOROUGH COUNCIL, THEY WERE DECIDING
IF THEY COULD OUTLAW MY ALUMINUM SIDING
IN THE END THEY DIDN’T , SO NOW I CAN SING,
HOW MY HOUSE LOOKS IS UP TO ME.
CHORUS
SO IF I WANT TO BUILD IN A SKYLIGHT,
DISPLAY FLAMINGOS, I’M SURE IT’S MY RIGHT.
IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S BUTT UGLY.
HOW MY HOUSE LOOKS IS UP TO ME
CHORUS 2x
And while we’re on the subject of freedom! We are assured of our right to brand the first amendment across our foreheads.
(To be sung to BRANDY by Looking Glass)
THERE’S A TOWN, IN CENTRAL PA
WHERE THEY SERVE HUNDREDS OF BEERS A DAY
THIRSTY STUDENTS, PASS THE TIME AWAY
AND TALK ABOUT THEIR HOMES
AND THERE’S A SHOP IN THIS COLLEGE TOWN
WHERE THEY WORK, LAYING PICTURES DOWN
THEY ARE BRANDING- DOES THAT MAKE YOU FROWN?
THE COUNCIL THINKS ITS ALL RIGHT.
THE COUNCIL SAYS BRANDING, ITS
A RIGHTS THNG
JUST LIKE FREE SPEECH, DON’T YOU SEE?
READ , MYLIPS, MY CHEST AND MY FOREARM AND MY KNEE.
BRANDING, ITS JUST SOMETHING TO DO
LIKE A NIPPLE PIERCE OR A RAD TATOO
A SIGNAL, THAT I AM NOT YOU
IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL.
IT’S DONE, I HAVE HEARD THEM SAY,
IN A PRETTY CLEAN PLACE IN A
LAID-BACK WAY
BUT THEY MAKE IT CLEAR YOU SHOULD START TO PRAY
JUST IN CASE IT STARTS TO SWELL
THE COUNCIL SAYS BRANDING, IT’S
A RIGHTS THNG
JUST LIKE FREE SPEECH, DON’T YOU SEE?
READ , MYLIPS, MY CHEST AND MY FOREARM AND MY KNEE.
The visioning has been brought about by the advent of what is known as the box stores, springing up in the outlying areas and tempting shoppers with cheap goods and free parking. Now, to the uninitiated, these are not stores where they sell boxes, although a store that sells boxes would be called a box store, too. Can the beleagured downtown ever compete with this mind numbing cornucopia?
(to the tune of We Didn’t Start the Fire, by Billy Joel)
ONCE UPON ANTOHER DAY, SHOPPERS SHOPPED A DIFFERENT WAY
TINY STORES WITH SPECIALTIES WERE WHERE THEY HAD TO GO.
IF THEY WANTED WINTER BOOTS, RED PAJAMAS, MENS’ FINE SUITS
PLASTIC PLATES, FIGS OR DATES, THEY’D TRAVEL TO AND FRO.
NOW WE SING A DIFFERENT TUNE , THANKS TO MARKETING TYCOONS
PRUNES AND NAILS AND HATS AND PAILS ARE UNDER THE SAME ROOF.
NOW WHEN WE GO OUT FOR SHOPPING, WE ARE FACED WITH CHOICE HEART STOPPING
SO MUCH TO BUY, SO MUCH TO CHOOSE, HOW CAN WE STAY ALOOF?
WHO’S DOING ALL THE SHOPPING?
IT’S AFTER MIDNIGHT, BUT WE AREN’T STOPPING.
WHO’S DOING ALL THE SPENDING?
IT MUST BE SOMEONE, CAUSE IT’S NEVER ENDING.
BEDROOM LINENS, WOOLEN GLOVE, WAXES, THERE’S NO CALL TO SHOVE
ICE CREAM-, VANILLA, TOTE UMBRELLAS, GRANDFATHER CLOCK
DOGGIE BONES, CELL PHONES, RAW PASTINI, DACRON
PRE COOKED MEAT BALLS, CHECKOUT LINES AROUND THE BLOCK
FINE WINE, BLUE JEAN, TV WITH A GREAT BIG SCREEN
KIDS TOY ROCKET, FRYING PAN, LOW FAT PRETZELS, CEILING FAN
PLAY DOUGH, CHICKEN BREAST, CRAFTSMAN HAMMER, HOPE CHEST
HAND MADE LACE, CHINESE VASE, HARD CORE SHOPPERS NEVER REST.
WHO’S DOING ALL THE SHOPPING?
IT’S AFTER MIDNIGHT, BUT WE AREN’T STOPPING.
WHO’S DOING ALL THE SPENDING?
IT MUST BE SOMEONE, CAUSE IT’S NEVER ENDING.
BIRTH CONTROL, COOKIE TIN, RUMMAGE THROUGH THE HALF PRICE BIN
BUCK SHOT, STOCK POT, WATERING CAN, COTTON JOCK
BACON, WATERGUN, PICKLING BRINE, THREE HOURS ON THE CHECK OUT LINE
FAKE IRON TRASH CAN, YARN TO KNIT UNCLE STAN’S AFGHAN,
WHEEL OF EDAM, SHIRTS TIE DYED, SHELVES OF METAL, PESTICIDE
VIDEOS WITH PAULY SHORE, CHINA PLATES, HOMEMADE COLE SLAW
YOU THINK THERE CAN’T BE ANY MORE, THEN WALMART ADDS A SUPER STORE
WHO’S DOING ALL THE SHOPPING?
IT’S AFTER MIDNIGHT, BUT WE AREN’T STOPPING.
WHO’S DOING ALL THE SPENDING?
IT MUST BE SOMEONE, CAUSE IT’S NEVER ENDING.
AND WHEN WE ARE GONE, IT WILL STILL GO ON AND ON, AND ON,AND ON
Supercenter
(to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
Supercenter Wal-Mart store out on North Atherton Street
Where else can you get furniture
And buy a piece of meat?
You can shop for anything
But beware you’re aching feet!
Supercenter Wal-Mart store out on North Atherton Street
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Because they carry everything
You’d ever want to buy,
We don’t need Ames or K-Mart stores
So we just say bye-bye.
It’s bigger, better, faster stores
That people want today.
So let’s pick up a new wardrobe
And a great fresh fish filet!
At the, Supercenter Wal-Mart store out on North Atherton Street
Where else can you get power tools
And a box of Cream of Wheat?
You can shop for anything
But beware you’re aching feet!
Supercenter Wal-Mart store out on North Atherton Street
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
(spoken) If you say it backwards it’s Street Atherton North on out store Mart-Wal Center Super, but that’s going a bit too far don’t you think? - Indeed
If selection is what you desire
And variety the key,
Then this is just the place for you
Indubitably!
But when our Mr. Walton
Is the only game in town,
His prices won’t be falling
But be rising off the ground!
At the, Supercenter Wal-Mart store out on North Atherton Street
Where else can you get chicken wings
And an entire bale of peat?
You can shop for anything
But beware you’re aching feet!
Supercenter Wal-Mart store out on North Atherton Street
But how can you talk about State College without talking about.. the State College.
It’s hard to miss the big build up, especially if you try to get through North Atherton on a weekday night.
IST Building.
(to the tune of "Build Me Up, Buttercup")
Why does Graham build them up? (Build them up?)
Buildings, yup, baby
Just to wear us down (tear them down)
And mess with our town?!
And then worst of all (worst of all)
The schrapnel falls, baby
So you net it in (net it in)
And then you give in again
To build new (to build new)
Bridging Atherton, snarlin’
Traffic from Wal-Mart to Weis
So build it up (Build it up)
Buildings, but, Grahammy, build nice!
They’ll be starting by 10, you told us time and again
But it’s 8 and the street’s closed again
They start a new floor, we can’t take any more!
It’s not true! Make us detour again!
(Wait, wait, wait!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Wait, wait, wait!) A single light
That’s not red this time
(Wait, wait, wait!) I’ll be there
I’ll be behind your car waiting for green
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo
Why does Graham build it up? (Build it up?)
Building, yup, baby
Just to bridge the lawns (bridge the lawns)
From Golf course to Old Main
And then worst of all (worst of all)
The traffic stalls, baby
And the cyclists spin (cyclists spin)
Pedestrians grin
To see cars (to see cars)
Filling Atherton, idling
As drivers look up at the steel
So build it up (build it up)
Buildings, yup, let’s seal the deal
Atherton, boy, it was a chore to drive on before now
But now it’s challenging (challenging)
Although it is true, it was an Atherton zoo
Driving through … campus to get to school
(Hey, hey, hey!) Drivers yelling, enraged to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) Each traffic light
Will slow cars down
(Hey, hey, hey!) They shake fists,
Check the time again as they do
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo
But some things never change. They only get older.. we mean better
(To the tune of Oom Pah Pah from Oliver)
There’s a little rally we go to in the valley
On Saturdays in autumn, when weather is clear
With a little patience your own imaginations
Will tell you just exactly for whom we do cheer
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
He may be old
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
Seats still get sold
Why does fan loyalty never grow cold?
Could it be Joe Pah Pah?
Teams may have a good year, or they may have a bad year
The fortunes of the Lions they rise and they fall
The tailgaters still party, all uniformly hearty
Not caring what the score is, there’s beer for us all!
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
He may be old
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
Seats still get sold
Why does fan loyalty never grow cold?
Could it be Joe Pah Pah?
Nebraska was a cake walk, and we could talk the trash talk
Til Michigan and Iowa made us see blue
Then the Buckeyes beat us; their defense did defeat us.
But we don’t care about that, To Joe Pa we’re true.
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
He may be old
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
Seats still get sold
Why does fan loyalty never grow cold?
Could it be Joe Pah Pah?
One day, we view with ire, our Joe Pah will retire
And then a fate uncertain seems such a sure thing.
Will we be melancholy, no more feeling jolly?
And move to Tallahassee where Bowden reigns king?
Ah Joe Pa- with his place in football history assured, our beloved coach has nothing left to do but enhance his legend. Which he did this year, by exerting what one TV commentator called the closing speed of a corner back to grab a referee by the scruff of his collar and give him what for, and then take on the entire Big Ten officiating program . Joe Pa was mad, and instead of taking the rap, he gave it.
(to the tune(!) of Without Me by Eminem
THEY CAN’T SEE
WE LOST TRICE, BIG GAMES, SO NO BIG TITLES
(Refrain 1)
TWO LEGIT PASSES WERE REALLY INSIDE
THEY WERE REALLY INSIDE, THEY WERE REALLY INSIDE
(Repeat Refrain 1
(Rrefrain two)
QUARTER BACK, MADE THE THROW
IT WAS CAUGHT, DON’T YOU KNOW.
IT WAS CAUGHT, IT WS CAUGHT,
IT WAS CAUGHT
IT WAS CAUGHT
VERSE 1
THE GAME WAS A MONSTER, AND THOSE REFS WANT TO
SEE IOWA WIN, THEY WANT IOWA, PENN STATE’S CHOPPED LIVER
WELL, IF YOU WANT TO SEE IOWA, WELL I’LL GIVE YA
A BIG NITTANY LION, MIXED WITH SOME BLUE AND WHITE POM POMS
SOME TAILGATE MOONSHINE THAT’LL JUMPSTART YOUR HEART QUICKER THAN A
SHOCK, WHEN I GET SHOCKED AT THE OFFICIATING BY THE REFS THEY’RE NOT CO-OPERATING
WHEN I’M ROCKING THE BOAT, IT AIN’T NO USE DEBATING, IT WAS CAUGHT.
I KNOW I’M RIGHT, AND I’M COMPLAINING
I KNOW THAT YOU GOT YOUR JOB MR…BUT YOUR OFFICIAL’S EYE PROBLEMS COMPLICATING
AA OF NC I WON’T LET YOU BE, I’M JUST BEING ME, AS YOU CAN SEE
THEY CALLED US OUT OF BOUNDS ON NATIONAL TV, BUT THOSE BIG TEN REFS- THEY JUST CAN’T SEE.
(Chorus- 2x)
THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ME, SO EVERYONE WATCH, THIS SHOW’S FOR FREE
I’M GONNA START A LITTLE CONTROVERSY
THOSE BIG TEN REFS, THEY JUST CAN’T SEE.
.
VERSE 2
WOLVERINE FANS WERE FELLING REBELLIOJS
EMBARRASED THAT THEIR TEAM WS GETTING BEAT HELL YES
THEY START FEELING LIKE PRISONERS HELPLESS
TILL HOME TOWN REFS ON A MISSION COME AND SAY JOHNSON WAS OUT
A REF WITH BAD VISION IS SCARY, AND IT WAS A SOLUTION FOR A TEAM THAT WAS LOSING
SoO LET ME JUST PROTEST THOSE DOPES, IN FACT WE HAD THEM ON THE ROPES
AND IT WAS A DISASTER, SUCH A CATASTROPHE FOR PSU, FOR US TO GETBEHIND IN THE SCORE.
It WAS CAUGHT (PSU SONG FRAGMENT)
REPLACE YOUR FAULTY GLASSES, WIPE THE LENSES,THEN I’M GONNA
INVITE YOU IN AND UP UNDER YOU NOSE, WAVE THE REPLAY
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, MUCH TO YOUR DISMAY
I’M VINDICATED, FAULT IS INDICATED
RELATED IN THE TV NEWS ON EVERY STATION
VIEW IT, ATTENTION PLEASE YOU CAN FEEL THE TENSION SOON AS ANYONE SEES,
WE SHOULD HAVE WON ALL GAMES, INSTEAD WE LOST THREE.
(Chorus 2x)
And ROUTE 99 had its grand opening, right before Thanksgiving, so we could all thank whoever it is we send our gratitude that we can now swoop and loop our way to Bellefont in fifteen minutes instead of 25. This fall, we had a tantalizing preview, when PennDOT sponsored a roll and stroll!. Good times.
(To the tune of Beer Barrel Polka)
There’s a Highway, What A Highway
And when it was near completed
In the fall we were all treated
That is if we were nimble feeted.
There was rolling and there was strolling
PennDOT was for good will trolling
You could walk right on the roadbed
Without paying a toll.
And all the people came to see
The road that they could trod for free.
They let you walk on bare concrete
That’s PennDOT’s notion of a treat.
This chance was once in a lifetime
Remember hitchhiking’s a crime
So don’t you try to enter it on foot,
‘Cause in the pokey you’ll be put.
Stroll on the highway, one chance was offered to you.
Roll on the highway, almost too good to be true.
Try it tomorrow, better make sure you have bail
For if you roll and stroll the highway, you will end in jail.
This year, we had a few bumps in the road. We offer them as an example to anyone hoping to design a glitch free future. For starters- we had our own version of Annie Get Your Gun, starring, with Bob Unger and Ann Coulter playing the leads
(To the tune of Anything You Can Do from ANNIE GET YOUR GUN)
ANYTHING I WANT TO WRITE, I WILL WRITE BOBBY
I CAN WRITE ANYTHING IN SPITE OF YOU
OH NO YOU CAN’T
OH YES I CAN
OH NO YOU CAN’T
OH YES I CAN
NOT EVERYTHING YOU CAN WRITE MAKES THE GRADE, ANNIE
EVERYTHING THAT YOU WRITE HAS TO BE TRUE
OH NO DOES NOT
OH YES IT DOES
OH NO DOES NOT
OH YES IT DOES
I CAN WRITE ANYTHING, FOR THE CONSTITUTION,
THE CONSTITUTION SAVES ME FROM PINHEADS LIKE YOU.
OH NO IT WON’T
OH YES IT WILL
OH NO IT WON’T
OH YES IT WILL
IF YOU WRITE HATEFUL TRASH I DON’T HAVE TO RUN IT
I DON’T HAVE TO RUN HATEFUL TRASH WRITTEN BY YOU
OH YES YOU DO
OH NO I DON’T
OH YES YOU DO
OH NO I DON’T
YOU CAN GIVE ME THE AXE, BUT WATCH OUT FOR KARMA
KARMA WILL GET YOU, YOU KNOW THAT IT’S TRUE
I GUESS I DO
OH YES YOU DO
I GUESS I DO,
OH YES YOU DO.
And the great parking garage collapse of 2002:
(To be done as a round- Bottle Pop)
Part 1- One level lot, two level lot, three level lot four level lot, five level lot, six level lot seven level lot plop.
Part 2. Don’t put another layer of, layer of, layer of, Don’t put another layer of asphalt on top
Part 3. It will never take the extra weight, extra weight, extral weight, it will never take the extra weight, extra weight goes plop.
Residents in a local village had their lives disrupted this past March when PennDOT announced that they would be renovating the East Branch Road Bridge over Spring Creek in Lemont. As with any construction, there’s always and equal and opposite de-construction. This one was scheduled to take 8 to 9 months (to repair one small bridge!) and required detouring all the traffic that normally uses Branch Road to get from one side of town to another…. Causing the residents of Lemont to lament --
(To the tune of “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel)
When you’re driving, through Lemont
It once was so easy, you could drive right through
You took Branch Road, and never got stuck
Butnow PennDOT has struck
Now the bridge in Lemont is closing, we can’t drive on through
Now the bridge in Lemont is closing, we can’t drive on through
For the next six months, the detours played havoc with traffic patterns and contributed to a decrease in local business. Fortunately, there were no traffic accidents, but still the locals cried…
When you’re in Lemont, When you’re on Branch Road
When evening traffic stalls, it won’t comfort you
You must depart, obey when detours come
And construction abounds
Since the roads in Lemont are detoured, we can’t drive on through
Since the roads in Lemont are detoured, we can’t drive on through
But then, just as the dark days of autumn threatened, a miracle occurred (especially when we’re taking about PennDOT). The construction finished a MONTH ahead of schedule!! At last peace, joy and TRAFFIC flowed through the little village, and the citizens took to the roads with their anthem of freedom…
Drive on shiny coupe, drive on through
The bridge is done, to-day, all the detours have gone away,
See them no more, thank you dear road crew!
I’m driving right on through!
Now the bridge in Lemont is open, we can drive on through
Now the bridge in Lemont is open, we can drive on through
THE POWER LOSS ON HALLOWEEN.
And so this ends our brief review of the year. It’s not too soon to start collecting tunes for next years show- send any and all ideas to pxm33@psu.edu.
Thanks!! For coming.
(To the tune of Bloody Mary from South Pacific)
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad.
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
We think you should be sad
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
And bring your mom and dad.
We vote with push pins, just like West PalmBeach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
But we never hang a chad
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
And that might drive you mad
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
But some of us wear plaid!
Happy Valley is the place we live,
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad
