FV2001: NOW ENTERING FORBIDDEN VALLEY
This has been a year of unspeakable sadness, so for this short while at least, we are not going to speak of it. We get to cry in this life, and we get to laugh, and for the next little while, here’s hoping, we laugh. Let’s delight in the absurdities of our every day existence, and remember as we do , that this delight is a priceless luxury.
Welcome to the FIRST FIRST Night End of the Year Review Revue, a lackadaisical, haphazard and local look at 2001.
(To the tune of Bloody Mary from South Pacific)
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad.
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
We think you should be sad
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
And bring your mom and dad.
We vote with push pins, just like West PalmBeach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
But we never hang a chad
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
And that might drive you mad
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
But some of us wear plaid!
Happy Valley is the place we live,
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad
(This can go on for as until we run out of AD rhymes! Shad, Rad,, Lad, you could go insane!)
Happy Valley used to be centrally isolated, tucked away from the rest of the state, in a mountain valley, accessible only by two lane blacktop. Look into the past, you can almost hear the clop clop of the buggies bringing students in from the train at Lewistown.(Did they ever do that? I have no idea) (APPROPRIATE NOISES)
Ok that was him (or her), but you get the idea. But those days are gone, and now we are, as the saying goes, a micro-urb. This means you can buy Tofu at the Giant. And there are two Walmarts and and Sam’s Club, and a BIG K, and a Lowes, and a Target, and a Circuit City, not to mention the entire Nittany Mall, and yet... and yet ..
Maybe the reason Wegman’s isn’t here yet, is because we don’t have the four lane highways completed yet... maybe it’s like the way the Big Ten needed a jet landing strip built at the airport.... maybe..As the months wear on, negotiating your way round the contruction site has gone from being merely inconvenient to resembling a magical mystery tour..
(To the tune of LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS)
Picture yourself in a car on the bypass
with lots of construction and dust in the skies
You notice a flagman whose sign says go slowly
A girder’s about to arise.
Construction barrels of orange and white
Directing you on your way
It’s hard to see with the sun in your eyes
It’s not done
Girder in the sky just hanging
You look to the sky where it sets on a new pier
Floating in midair, looking so strong
You think to yourself that it must be near finished
You are so incredibly wrong
Winter and summer go by as before
What ever could be the delay
Driving to work, you see nothing change
It’s not done
Girder in the sky just hanging
Picture yourself on a highway that’s finished
Continuous beams over which the cars glide
Stop signs remind you that you’re only dreaming.
A girder’s about to arise.
A micro urb is a micro organism, growing and changing, new buildings are added, old are torn down or change..
(To the tune of Bye Bye Blackbird)
Pack up all those pretty things
Embroidered pillows, angel wings
Bye Bye Beppas
Sell it all at half the price
Eighty percent off, would be nice
Bye bye Beppas
No other store has quite the same collection
of frivolities displayed to sweet perfection.
We’ll have to go to Nittany Quill
for that special shopping thrill
Beppa’s bye bye.
And the State Theater closed its doors, along with the movie; Let’s pause and give our respects
(To the tune of Memories from Cats)
Theaters, there are two less to go to
Fewer pictures to choose from
When to movies we go.
In the evening
the passing hours drift like the snow
and my friends begin to moan
Movies, just the five up on Heister
Do you remember just last year
There were more choices then
Remember the time we knew what variety was
Let more movies play again.
But there’s a flyer, with a hopeful message
You should read it, and try to heed it
And soon you will be joyful
Chambers, they show great films at Chambers
And they don’t cost a penny.
But no one ever goes
Every weekend,
See all the great films that they won’t run downtown
Lots of movies to attend.
But along with things closing we have new stores coming along, the ever changing downtown scene...(including this new implant!)
We laugh to say its name HOOTERS
Not everyones glad it came HOOTERS
Women in scant attire, quite well endowed,
Happy to serve you, just the food, no more allowed.
Mammaries, big bazooms hooters,
Please go away, it’s here to stay please go away.
Ladies and Gentleman, Madames and Messiers, Meine Damen and Herren,
What do you think Hooters will be called in other languages? I wonder..
In French, (saying American words with fake accents.
In Germany,
In Spain,..
We laugh to say its name HOOTERS
Not everyones glad it came HOOTERS
Women in scant attire, quite well endowed,
Happy to serve you, just the food, no more allowed.
Mammaries, big bazooms hooters,
Please go away, it’s here to stay please go away.
Commercial establishments aren’t the only things to come and go.. Laws change too, and this year saw the demise of the infamous OAT... say farewell to the Occupational Assessment Tax...
(To the tune of Dancing in the Streets)
Calling out around the town
Did you hear what provision got the axe?
The voters of the local burgs
Repealed the Occupational Assessment Tax
They’re dancing in the Borough,
Down on Calder Way,
On Easterly Parkway.
All we’ll pay are taxes, sweet sweet taxes
on the income that we earn
No more fiddling, judging and occupational fudging
There’s just dancing in the street
Now it doesn’t matter what you do
You can admit the truth
So every worker, say it loud
Of my real job, I am proud
There’ll be dancin, they’re dancin in the street
It’s common knowledge, across State College
This was a great defeat.
But be facing facts, we’ll pay an income tax,
Still we’re dancing in the street.
Yes, there are workers in State College, but how can we fail to mention our growing population of people NOT working, no, not the unemployed, the retired.
ADVANCE \d4All I Want (to the tune of "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" from My Fair Lady) All I want is a house somewhere, far away from the city air Without one scrap of careŠŠin my Retirement Community Lots of rest'raunts for me to eat, lots of students beneath our feet, And parking on our streetŠŠin my Retirement Community Oh, dear, wouldn't it be just lovely sittin' by the pool Just ig-nor-ing that dark day -- when students come back to schoolŠŠ. All I want, if the truth be told, is a spot where, when I get old I'll just be one of the foldŠŠin my Retirement Community Oh, just once I would really like to get a ten-nis court. But, six thirty's not so bad -- as long as you keep it short! All I know is the time is near, for my broker to soothe my fear And say my nest egg's here in my retirement community. Community In my retirement community.
What would State College be without the State College? And what would Penn State be without football? And what would football be without JoePa?
(To the tune of Oom Pah Pah from Oliver)
There’s a little rally we go to in the valley
On Saturdays in autumn, when weather is clear
With a little patience your own imaginations
Will tell you just exactly for whom we do cheer
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
He may be old
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
Seats still get sold
Why does fan loyalty never grow cold?
Could it be Joe Pah Pah?
Teams may have a good year, or they may have a bad year
The fortunes of the Lions they rise and they fall
The tailgaters still party, all uniformly hearty
Not caring what the score is, there’s beer for us all!
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
He may be old
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
Seats still get sold
Why does fan loyalty never grow cold?
Could it be Joe Pah Pah?
The Lions were defiant and JoePah beat Bear Bryant
The cheers throughout the Valley were happy and loud
The season ended sadly but we still love him madly
There’s noone like our JoePah for making us proud
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
He may be old
Joe Pah Pah Joe Pah Pah
Seats still get sold
Why does fan loyalty never grow cold?
Could it be Joe Pah Pah?
One day, we view with ire, our Joe Pah will retire
And then a fate uncertain seems such a sure thing.
Will we be melancholy, no more feeling jolly?
And move to Tallahassee where Bowden reigns king?
Yes, football affects State College in many ways.
(to the tune of Coming Through the Rye)
If you need a porta potty
In the early spring
You will be a soggy body
You won’t find a thing
Winters, summers aren’t better
For heeding nature’s call
But there are bathrooms everywhere
In State College in the Fall
In the fields, like big white mushrooms
Sprouting over night
Fans can find a comfort station
Always just in sight
Other towns may have their statues
Or fountains at their mall
But we have port a johns a plenty
In State College in the Fall
But Penn State is more than football, so much more- PSU made the headlines locally and state wide for sports of all kinds last year. Let’s think back...
(To the tune of BY THE SEA)
Some women students got it together
Said one to the other, we’re birds of a feather
So, let’s have a fest to honor our C
Say it straight out, hey what harm could there be?
Old Main hoped they’d think of another name
They refused to, first amendment is their game
So the banner hung, and the word was flung,
Now we all can sing:
By the C by the C by the beautiful C
You and I, you and I oh how happy we’ll be
When each wave comes a rolling in
We will duck or swim
And we’ll float and fool around the water
Over and under and then up for air
Ma is rich,Pa is rich, so now what do we care?
I want to be beside your side, beside the C beside the C side,
by the beautiful C. My baby and me.
And the men students, not to be outdone, had a fest of another sort.
Zoot Suit Riots
Then the word came that the University President, driven, apparently by the need to relax, took to Europe for peace and quiet.
(to the tune of Wooly Bully)
Spanier told the Spaniards about a thing he’d do
I’m coming to Pamplona, to run the bulls with you
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully
Spaniards said to Spanier if you want to, take a chance
Can’t be harder than when Lawless put you through that dance
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully
Spanier told the Spaniards, compared to old Penn State
Being gored by bulls is merely second rate
Wooly bully, wooly bully
Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully
Micro Urb, though we may be, nature is near, and always close to our hearts and in one case involving a horse, maybe just a little too close. A bear was flattened on the Benner Pike this summer, and a dear met its demise downtown. Here’s a little plea on the behalf of our companion species.
Just talk to the animals, is that too much to ask
When you’re driving home on Benner Pike
Imagine beeping at a bruin, waving it to one side
That’s a conversation it would like
Just talk to the animals, don’t run over them
If a deer should walk down Calder Way
Buy it a latte at Panera’s or some veggies at the Tavern
It’s gratitude would really make your day.
Just talk to the animals, if you have a horse
Like Wilbur and his good friend Mr. Ed
But on second thought, we’re glad they can’t talk back.
We might not like the things that might be said.
(ADD IN THE PIGLET SONG HERE)
AND, no matter what the year, a tribute to a town fixture.
(To the tune of Love and Marriage)
Hemp and Heicklein, Hemp and Heicklen
Goes together like green and Recyclin’
Mary Jane... that’s not his mother
He’s simply not like any other.
Try, try, try to understand him
It’s a flat out mystery
Why he’s still living in the sixties
He’s a piece of living history.
Hemp and Heicklen, Hemp and Heicklen
Go together like green and recyclin’
His platform is really like no other.
Legal drugs for sis and brother
And so this ends our brief review of the year. It’s not too soon to start collecting tunes for next years show- send any and all ideas to pxm33@psu.edu. Thanks!! For coming.
(End with a reprise of Happy Valley)
(To the tune of Bloody Mary from South Pacific)
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad.
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
If you don’t live here, then boo hoo for you
We think you should be sad
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
You could move here, we won’t tell you no
And bring your mom and dad.
We vote with push pins, just like West PalmBeach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
We vote with push pins just like West Palm Beach
But we never hang a chad
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
East streets go south here and the West go north
And that might drive you mad
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
They built Penn State here, they wear blue and white
But some of us wear plaid!
Happy Valley is the place we live,
Happy Valley is the place we live
Happy Valley is the place we live
And that just makes us glad
.
